Jon Malstrom | Authentic Ramblings

“Everyone ends up somewhere.  Few people end up somewhere on purpose.” – Craig Groeschel

A few weeks ago I took the opportunity to dive deeper into discovering my life’s purpose.  This may sound a little odd, since I’m 45.  Shouldn’t I have figured this out by now?  For the past several years I’ve been living with an unsettling feeling that I haven’t realized the greater purpose for my life.  You might call it an identity crisis, a mid-life crisis, or some other unflattering term that brings to mind red convertibles, toupees, and gold chains entwined with chest hair.

Yes, I’m a husband, a father, a son, a friend, and an employee of a great company.  These are all very important pieces of the puzzle that form the picture of Jon Malstrom.  But am I completely fulfilling the unique design for my life?  I haven’t really felt like it.  In fact, I’ve recently come through a season of depression, confusion, disappointment, and utter insignificance.

In the midst of this difficult season, God has graciously given me glimpses of my worth.  A worth based solely on my relationship with Jesus Christ.  I’ve had to come back to the basics of my faith and remind myself repeatedly of the hope that I have.  I define my hope as the expectation of a favorable future under God’s direction.  I’ve seen God affirm this in my life so many times, and yet I forget.  Situations that seem completely defeating while I’m living them, always ultimately serve to teach me something, to bring me to a different place where God can use me more powerfully, or to cause me to turn back to Him because only He can rescue me.  It’s all for my good.

God brought me again to one of those places of affirmation when I attended the Chazown Experience at my church.  This workshop experience was developed by Craig Groeschel, senior pastor of LifeChurch.tv.  Chazown is the Hebrew word for vision, and is used in Proverbs 29:18 which says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”  Phonetically, it’s pronounced khaw-ZONE (not to be confused with Calzone, the delicious Italian treat made from pizza dough stuffed with cheese, sausage, and pepperoni).  The process is designed to help individuals find clarity about their life’s purpose by examining the intersection of their:

1. Past experiences
2. Core Values
3. Spiritual Gifts

My wife is a staff member at our church and had gone through the Chazown Experience with the entire staff several months before I did.  I knew from her debrief that this discovery process could be pretty emotional, even painful, especially as you evaluate both your good and bad past experiences.  I walked into the first session feeling a fair amount of dread, but somehow got through the exercises to define these three areas, then wrote them in my workbook where I could evaluate the overlap:

I’m a thinker, a processor, so I had to take some time to process what God was revealing here.  I talked it through with my wife and then one of my pastors who knows me pretty deeply.  Out of this reflection and discussion time, God gave me a starting point for my purpose statement, or my Chazown statement:

“To encourage and challenge men through authentically and humorously writing, speaking, and informally sharing my journey with Christ.”

I feel a strong pull toward specifically helping men.  Because of God’s mercy and grace I’ve made it through a lot of pain, confusion, and isolation in life.  I don’t think I’m unique – most men have to deal with emotional wounds to get to a place of spiritual health.  I believe God’s given me a story to tell and He’s choosing to use me to help other men who might be in the same place I once was.

I have no idea what God’s timing will be in any of this.  I don’t yet have clarity about the path or the steps to get there.  Writing is clearly part of the journey, but I’m not sure yet how this blog fits into the bigger vision.  I don’t feel courageous or capable or worthy enough of fulfilling any of this purpose.  But I do know the One who has all the answers and all the power.  Right now, I’m content with letting Him manage the plan.  I’ll just follow one step at a time, as I intentionally live my life on purpose.

Are you living your life on purpose?  How is God growing you toward the fulfillment of your Chazown?