Archive for the ‘Observations’ Category
This was my second post ever at Authentic Ramblings. After posting it in the morning (last July), I direct-messaged Pete Wilson on Twitter that I had featured him in a blog post. Apparently he liked it, because he re-tweeted it to his 60,000+ followers. By the end of the day, I’d had over 700 visits to my site. Thanks, Pete!
I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. On the one hand, it’s an enormous time waster. On the other, it’s a fantastic way to reconnect with friends I haven’t heard from, talked to, or in some cases even thought about in 35 years or more.
Just recently, within a one-week span, I found three friends that I grew up with in Perry, Georgia. My family moved away when I was ten, but I kept up with a few of these guys for a while, back in the day when you had to actually write letters and send them through the US Post Office which took weeks. I wasn’t allowed to call on the phone, because long distance was “too expensive.”
While it’s been great reminiscing and getting caught up with everyone’s situation, it’s also thrown me into a tiny bit of a funk (more on funk later). I guess the reality of turning 45 next month is starting to sink in and I’m much more aware of all the reasons why I feel just plain old. Here are a few of them.
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This was by far one of my most exciting experiences of last summer. How often do you get the opportunity to pay a $500 deductible to be probed and prodded and humiliated like an inmate at the Federal Pen? Complete awesomeness.
Yesterday was an exciting day for me, starting with a 7:00 AM check-in at the local hospital for an outpatient procedure. It’s been a long while since I’ve been the patient in a hospital situation and I found it to be a very interesting and somewhat educational experience. I know I view the world a little differently than most, so keep that in mind as you read about my favorite observations from yesterday.
The gown from hell. After filling out a pre-op questionnaire and writing the hospital a huge check, a nurse took me back to a little staging cubbie. She handed me a plastic bag and one of those cotton gowns that looks like a sheet with two arm holes cut into it. “Ok, I need you to take everything off and put this on.” Everything? I know it’s somewhat of a cliché, but these gown things are impossible. First of all, it’s a little emasculating to have to put on a “gown.” Secondly, these are not designed for modesty in any way. There’s one string thing dangling from the right side of the garment, but nothing to anchor it to on the other side. Absolutely nothing. I pulled the thing off and examined it from top to bottom. I’m no engineer, but seriously it should not take an engineering degree to figure this out. I tried it again. My rear-end is completely hanging out, and I’m desperately trying to get it closed up in an area that I can’t really see. Imagine a dog spinning in circles trying to catch his tail. I hear the nurse beyond the curtain call out to me, “How’s it going in there Mr. Malstrom?” Umm. “I think this gown is defective, could I try another please?” She obliges and I eagerly unfold the replacement. Same dang deal. A tie on one side, nothing to tie it to on the other. With a sigh I wrap the thing around me as best I can and hop into the bed where it immediately rides up to my belly button.
I’ve finally accepted the truth that I must be a little OCD. A recent restaurant experience involving a fork forced me to evaluate other quirks that quite honestly I’d never considered quirks. I count on my wife as my sounding board, and she never fails to lay out the unvarnished truth.
“So…that thing I do with the TV remote? Is that normal?”
“That’s so not normal. I’m embarrassed to ever have a Super Bowl party at our house.”
“What about the way I put my socks on?”
“Honestly, Sweetie, I’m worried. I’ve seen your son do the same thing recently. If you must behave this way, we’ve got to find you a more secluded place to get dressed.”
Maybe I’ll describe these particularly charming idiosyncrasies another time, but in today’s post I’m going to tackle a few of my more pronounced peculiarities.
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*Okay – this picture has nothing to do with the post. But it’s hilarious, right?
Sometimes I get my best writing ideas in the strangest places. Actually, some of these places are pretty mundane. The strangeness comes from how I generate creative ideas in these places (and sometimes what I find people doing there). I’m a thinker and a processor. I’ve got to have free time to let my mind wander anywhere it wants, so that ideas come. Stressful situations are not optimal for creativity. Sometimes music in the background helps, sometimes it hinders. I’m listening to Taylor Swift right now and she’s got me in the mood. These are a few of my favorite places (cue Julie Andrews in my head).
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Those of you who follow me on Twitter know that the traffic in this city drives me crazy. There are so many dynamics and oddities that multiply to put me in a really lousy mood before I get to the office in the morning or home in the evening. Here are a few annoying and weird experiences that I just don’t tolerate well.
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