Archive for the ‘Christian Life’ Category
I read a story about Moses in the Bible yesterday that gave me some comfort. Mostly it was comfort in knowing that the frustrations and doubts I’ve been having about my relationship with God are not unique to me. It sure seems like Moses had some of the same feelings that I’ve been experiencing.
In Exodus 33: 12-13, Moses felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. He felt alone and up against an impossible task. God had charged him with leading and shepherding the Israelites out of Egypt, but Moses wasn’t feeling God with him and beside him, and felt completely in the dark about how to move forward. I’m a lot like Moses. When we’re stressed out and frustrated, we throw inhibition to the wind and just say what we’re thinking:
Moses said to God, “Look, you tell me, ‘Lead this people,’ but you don’t let me know whom you’re going to send with me. You tell me, ‘I know you well and you are special to me.’ If I am so special to you, let me in on your plans. That way, I will continue being special to you. Don’t forget, this is your people, your responsibility.”
I’ve been feeling a lot of this same emotion for months now. I know the Bible tells me that God loves me and I’m special to him, but I don’t feel His presence and I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I seem to be in a holding pattern in so many areas – my career, the pursuit of my writing dreams, even many of my relationships. If I just had some small idea of what God’s plans are for me, I might not feel so lost. “If I am so special to you, let me in on your plans.”
Moses said, “If your presence doesn’t take the lead here, call this trip off right now. How else will it be known that you’re with me in this, with me and your people? Are you traveling with us or not? How else will we know that we’re special, I and your people, among all other people on this planet Earth?”
God said to Moses: “All right. Just as you say; this also I will do, for I know you well and you are special to me. I know you by name.”
Moses continued to challenge God in verses 15-17. He desperately wanted to see and feel God’s presence. So do I. I want Him to draw near in a way that will strengthen my faith and give me assurance that He’s really with me. I’m asking Him for that, just as Moses did. When Moses asked, God revealed Himself in all His glory, because He loved Moses. “…I know you well and you are special to me. I know you by name.”
I know God loves me in the same way. I believe what the Bible says. I’m just not connecting what I know (in my head) to what I know (in my heart). I’m tired. I’m anxious. I’m frequently depressed. I need a vacation from myself. But mostly I need the joy of knowing God is by my side and on my side. How else will I know that I am special?
How do you find God’s presence in seasons of spiritual drought?
I’m in one of those awkward, uncomfortable places again. (And no, I’m not talking about the Ladies Room.) I continue to wrestle with the meaning of “significance” for my life. My head is filled with lies that I’ve allowed to infiltrate my heart, making me restless, discontent, and anxious. Covered by a smothering blanket of depression.
I’m cursed with a 45 minute commute each way to the office, which actually has the decided benefit of blessing me with some of my best thinking time. I’m a thinker, a processor of information, and I need this thinking time to make decisions and come to conclusions. For Bugs Bunny fans, I’m more like Marvin the Martian than Hugo in the Abominable Snow Rabbit episode. (I’m also kind of a random thinker.) This morning I made a little bit of sense out of what I’ve been feeling. It all comes down to lies and truth.
The Lies
I’ve surrounded myself with a bunch of ideas that reflect popular viewpoints in our culture today.
It’s about who I know. Being part of the “popular” crowd, aligning myself with influencers, seeking shallow friendships with “cool” individuals who by association will make me appear to have it all together. Investing my time and energy in the wrong places.
It’s about how I feel. If I allow myself to “feel” useless, unwanted, incapable, and untalented, then I must be those things.
It’s about what I do. Being a vice president, owner, partner, author, speaker, or having another “prestigious” role will clearly make life worth living. Not having any of those titles just proves how insignificant I am.
It’s about what I have. The latest technology gadgets, new clothes, big house, and feature-rich cars mean that I’ve made it.
It’s about my image. Revealing only the parts of myself that won’t embarrass me or show my weaknesses. Hiding behind masks of composure, style, physical appearance, and carefully scripted interpersonal engagements. Keeping up with the Joneses. Or maybe the Kardashians.
The Truth
I’m slowly beginning to shatter those lies. My value and worth is based on an entirely different standard.
It’s about Who I know. I am a follower of Jesus Christ and know that He lives within me. My relationship with Him gives me my identity – not my things, my job, or my friends. All of those things won’t last, but my security with Christ is for eternity.
It’s about believing without evidence. Much of the time I don’t feel like a child of God, deeply loved and cherished. But the bible says that I am: “No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God.” (John 16:27) Feelings are deceptive. God’s word is unfailing.
It’s about the richness of my relationships. I have the most amazing wife who puts me first, loves me when I’m unlovable, and believes in me when I can’t believe in myself. I have two amazing kids who challenge me in every possible way, daily chipping away at my impatience, intolerance, and selfishness. I have deep friendships with a handful of guys that I would label as “2 AM Friends.” Brothers I can call on any time of day or night to walk with me through pain and sorrow, pray with me and for me, and give me wise counsel.
It’s about making a difference. Most of the time it’s not about the job or profession that I have or the position that I hold, but about the people surrounding me. Jobs are temporary – people are forever. Showing compassion to a co-worker with serious health or family issues, being available to listen when a colleague’s marriage is crumbling and pointing him to the truth of God’s love and hope, or rejoicing with a cubicle neighbor whose child was accepted to an Ivy League school – this is what it’s all about.
It’s about my character. The consistency (or inconsistency) of my behavior at home, at the office, or in Sunday morning church has a lot to do with the willingness of others to trust me. Am I living what I say I believe? Or am I a hypocrite and a liar? My behavior should reflect the purity and intentions of the Holy Spirit living in me.
It’s about being real. When I dig deep and find the courage to reveal my true self, I find freedom. Realizing that no one has their act completely together gives me comfort to just be me. The real me that I’ve been ashamed of, embarrassed by, and scared of for most of my life is becoming a close friend that I enjoy time with. I don’t worry so much about whether others feel the same. To not be me is to deny God’s work in my life. I just can’t do that anymore.
I’m a work in progress. I need these truths to infiltrate my heart each and every day, but it takes intentionality and discipline. I guess that’s the next area I need to focus on!
What lies do you tell yourself? What are the truths that overcome those lies?
Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been feeling a little confused about my purpose. I still believe God set a plan in motion for me many years ago, and He’s still moving me along a continuum leading to the complete fulfillment of my life’s Chazown, but sometimes my free will and my own selfishness cause me to wander away from the straight and narrow path.
I turned 40 in 2005. That year was absolutely pivotal – God chose that time in my life to radically change the trajectory of my path. He transformed my future from one of denial, woundedness, isolation, and brokenness to one filled with hope, fulfillment, healing, and wholeness. The number 40 will always be meaningful and significant to me for these reasons. There’s also a strong parallel to how we see God dealing with and testing His people through increments of 40 in the Bible:
- God flooded the earth with rain for 40 days and nights, testing Noah’s faith as he trusted God to deliver him and his family.
- Moses spent the second 40 years of his life in isolation as a shepherd while God prepared him to lead His people out of Egypt.
- Moses spent 40 days with God on Mount Sinai as he received the Law.
- The children of Israel wandered in the wilderness for 40 years as God waited for a new, faithful generation to rise up and follow Him.
- Jesus fasted in the wilderness for 40 days while He was tempted by Satan.
- After His resurrection, Jesus stayed on earth with his disciples for 40 days to teach and prepare them to carry on without Him.
I got re-focused this morning. I needed it – and it was awesome.
I’ve been feeling anxious and weighed down over the last few days, depressed and drifting without purpose, ambition, or desire. If you’ve ever felt this way, you know how unsettling, frustrating, and hopeless everything seems in the middle of the turmoil. It’s hard to naturally discern true reality because the downside of all situations becomes so amplified. My glass becomes perpetually empty and cynicism rages.
I’ve been given multiple doses of real reality this morning. It all seems to come back to a relationship that I’ve set adrift, devalued, taken for granted, and stopped investing in. The constant loving nature of the other party in this relationship amazes me, especially because I don’t feel that I often return that love.
The One who loves me this way gave up everything for me because He delights in me. This is a profound statement – don’t miss it. Everything is everything. Jesus left heaven, left His true God-nature, made Himself a human like me, and died the worst, most painful death imaginable. Because He delights in me.
The brief devotional I read this morning encouraged me to continually seek Him and reflect on what He’s done for me. He’s a loving God who is waiting for me to find Him. Hold on now. This big God wants me to find Him? He wants to have a relationship with me? The God who created the universe, hurled the stars and planets into place, and continues to sustain and shape history – wants me to spend time with Him? Wants to be a part of every aspect of my life? Wow.
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Last week I wrote a post describing reasons why I believe men tend to be inauthentic. I got some great feedback, especially about the idea that we hide behind a fear of rejection. Today I’d like to unpack that concept a bit further.
I’ve connected with a group of guys over the last couple of years who’ve provided a much-needed place of accountability for me. They hold me responsible not only for living a pure and honorable life, but for seeing myself as others see me and most importantly as God sees me. I know and trust these guys, and they’re some of the few with whom I feel I can be completely transparent.
One of our discussions several months ago had a profound impact on me. We took turns sharing some of our struggles since the last time we met, and I told them about a situation that happened to me the week prior. I had walked into a large room of colleagues at work before the start of an annual Leadership Conference. It was a typical “Meet and Mingle” situation, the kind of thing I absolutely hate. A lot of the people “mingling” were company executives and I felt completely out of place, under-dressed, and without a single friendly or familiar face to hang out with. The anxiety started to build and the voices in my head were whispering,
“Why are you even here? You have nothing to offer to these guys. You’re just a no-talent nobody. If you even tried to join a conversation you’d be completely ignored. Just go hide in a corner and maybe no one will notice you.”
So that’s what I did. I found my corner and pulled out my iPhone so I could pretend I was checking important emails, instead of being a complete social reject. My self-confidence was shot, I remained turtled-up for the rest of the conference, and I was very close to hating myself. It was horrible.
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